FAST TIMES: Raising Kids? Building a Career? Does it have to be either/or?

by Christa Sorenson
February 21, 2001

As an independent consultant, I'm accustomed to facing deadlines, tough projects, and new challenges. I've got one coming right now that's got me really nervous. My third child is due any day; I've wrapped up all my client work and I'm just sort of waiting. And, oh yeah, my nanny resigned last week. When I called a nanny placement agency, they told me that 80% of their placements are with families with one child; three children families requesting a nanny are really rare. Well, that got me thinking. Don't families with three children need nannies? Or, are these moms all staying home? And what's wrong with me that I'm still working?

The whole raising children and balancing a career is a constant challenge. At some points during these past 5 years (my oldest son is five), I've definitely felt out of balance - sometimes toward work, sometimes toward family. Being out of balance either way doesn't always mean being unhappy. I've been way too busy with work before, but loved the project or client and dealt with the family fallout. (My kids are still too young to explicitly complain, though they make their feelings known.)

The way I've walked the tightrope of "balance" is to have my own business, out of my home, and try to work only three days. I've been lucky that I've had a very flexible nanny (probably couldn't do this otherwise) who can switch days or add a day now and then if my clients require that.

All that said, sometimes it just doesn't feel the balance thing is working. Each of the two times I've returned to work from maternity leave, my brain has turned to mush and I've felt completely inadequate for weeks before I can get my rhythm back. But the flipside can happen at home, too. If I'm working lots of extra hours and home less than usual for any extended period of time, I lose some of my parenting rhythm. That ability to get both kids up and dressed and fed on time; knowing how to distract the little one from a pending temper tantrum; coming up with activities to fill a rainy, stay-at-home day. If I slip out of balance either way, one side of my life seems to suffer.

There are all sorts of things to stir up the self-doubt. Most of the moms on my block are stay-at-home moms. They seem to make more time to volunteer at school or arrange play dates or bake cookies. Am I doing enough for my kids? Will they just remember that I worked a lot? Will they be as secure and happy as these other kids? And then I'll get hit with a wave of doubt from the other direction. I work with other working women with children who manage to travel, attend evening meetings, work long hours. Why can't I? Why don't I have the same energy, passion, commitment to career that they seem to?

And, so, I wonder - pretty often, actually; about every three or four months - is this the right thing? Have I struck the right balance?

So far, I keep coming up with the same answer. Yep. I'm very fulfilled and satisfied by my career. I wouldn't be happy (in fact, I'd be downright ornery) without it. And yet, I need more time with my kids than evenings and weekends. And, so I squeeze in a little bit of volunteering at the school, some sledding on a Friday afternoon, baking those cookies now and then - I squeeze it all into those other four days left. And it seems to be just the right amount for all of us.

Who knows? In four months I may decide differently. But for now, this is my work/life balance. What works for you?

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Christa Sorenson, President of Sorenson Consulting, works with high tech, fast companies to increase their productivity through strategic H.R. practices, such as leadership, culture, training, team building, etc. Recent projects include facilitating executive teams (topics such as vision/direction, business strategy and planning, problem solving, etc.), coaching executives for increased effectiveness, and leadership workshop design and facilitation.. Write her at: Sorensoncon@msn.com. Editor's Note: Christa Sorenson delivered new son Louis Ortegon the day after emailing this column.

Reprinted with permission from WorldWit.org