Memos From Mother

by Hazel Bowman

It's a tradition: as cram time rolls around each semester, parents order from a student board the Final Exam Survival Kit; a bountiful bag of assorted goodies to be delivered to offspring in the dorms. Along with the M&M's and fruit juice, the family sends its personal message of encouragement, hope and (sometimes) blind faith. Here are some sample notes for Spring Semester Finals to inspire or encourage:

MESSAGE TO STUDENT:

To our poor, poor daughter from her poor, poor parents.

MESSAGE TO STUDENT:

Even though your entire future depend on these exams, and we who have sacrificed everything for you face the poor house if you aren't on a job by Memorial Day and the father of the girl you love said he doesn't think you're smart enough for her and you're looking at the military if this doesn't work out, for God's sake don't panic!

MESSAGE TO STUDENT:

If, for the last week, you've been meaning to look up the definition of procrastination, forget it!

MESSAGE TO STUDENT:

Remember the old Hebrew proverb, "Crunching keeps you awake, bubie."

MESSAGE TO STUDENT:

May the superior chromosomes you inherited provide the neurons of your cerebrum with the information necessary to coordinate all the information you have stored, so the acetycholine is released at the correct synapses, and you will do well on your tests.

MESSAGE TO STUDENT:

Study, child. Study!

MESSAGE TO STUDENT:

The cat ate your Teddy,
And Molly had a pup.
We know you're studying hard
And you'll keep your grades up.

---------------------------

Hazel Bowman, Celebrations by Bowman, and PrescottWeddings.com (hazel@prescottweddings.com)

Please contact the author directly for permission to reprint this article.