Why Do We Hit the Wall

by Wendy Kaufman

Are you doing well, but not as well as you would like? Do you wonder why your colleagues are moving ahead while you tread water? Do you find yourself thinking, "I've hit the wall and there isn't anywhere else to go?" It's time to get out of your comfort zone and sail over that wall!

What does it mean to you to be comfortable? Does it mean just squeaking by with your bills every month? Having an ok job with fairly reasonable hours? Is your comfort zone that place that's just a little bit boring but safe from catastrophes like job lay offs, conflicts with your spouse and kids, living a little bit close to the bone but not having too much debt?

As comfortable as an old overstuffed couch might be - is that really how you want your life to be, soft and mushy and hard to get out of? Comfort may not be all it's cracked up to be and it may also be one of the hardest lifestyle issues to face head on.

Don't rock the boat. Be happy for what you have. Things could be worse. I'll get by. Things are calm, I don't want to make waves.

These are all phrases and thoughts that we've all had from time to time and they can be life and career stoppers.

And yet, do you watch colleagues at work or friends seem to rocket through their lives, getting promotions, changing jobs, always seeming challenged and excited, trying new things with their families and significant others and wonder how they do it? Here's a hint: it's not magic, it's not where you were brought up, and it's not the number of college degrees or dollars that you have.

What sets these people apart from you is their willingness to break out of their comfort zones. Sometimes the most uncomfortable place you will ever find yourself is just outside the door to the life you have always wanted and worked for. What makes some people stay the course, and go through that door while others back off of the hot spot and watch another opportunity seem to mysteriously pass them by? Sometimes it's nothing more than the sheer tenacity and courage it takes to break out of a situation that may be giving you a false sense of security and nothing else.

Find your personal best
First of all, it's okay to dream. It's okay to want to shoot for the moon and it's really okay to want to have a great relationship with your spouse and your kids. Somewhere along the line many of us bought into the notion that we should be 'happy with what we have' and not ask for more. With all due respect this is nothing more than fear and a misplaced sense of martyrdom talking. I challenge you right now to take a moment and write down what your life would look like if you were operating at your personal best, pursuing your passions and visions and allowing yourself the opportunity to sail out of your comfort zone. Don't think about it - just do it.

CEO's, astronauts, philosophers, scientists, novelists and movie stars, (to name a few) all have something very powerful in common - they have a vision of their lives and they go for it with everything that they have. They don't wait for things to come to them and they don't settle for second best. They have a belief in themselves, and an excitement about the possibilities that life holds and they go for them.

Hit or Scale the Wall: You Choose
Do you find yourself tired all of the time, bored and irritable? Chances are very good that you haven't given yourself a good challenge lately. It's okay to start small. Start at the gym. Instead of doing one more brain numbingly boring circuit on the Stairmaster, go to a beginners spinning class, or speed up the treadmill and set it at a small incline. Then challenge yourself to stay at it for 5 minutes longer than your normal workout. Remember to look at what you've accomplished when you're through. Note how many extra miles you covered, extra calories you burned and feel the expansion in your body as it meets the challenge. Still tired? I doubt it. You are probably exhilarated.

If you've been at the same job for a long time and you're just treading water because it's a little bit to scary to change, take a browse across the web when you get home and look up jobs that you'd love to have. See if there are companies that are in line with what you want to do, research the jobs that are available, look at their websites and consider updating your resume. Or have a chat with your human resource department and find out what the next level at your current company is. Take a training class and make a step towards moving ahead instead of treading water.

Think of your life, all aspects of it, as being like your first kiss. Remember that, the butterflies in your stomach, the feeling that you had never experienced anything quite as exciting or full of possibilities? That's the feeling we get to have in all aspects of our lives. I'm not talking about setting unreasonable expectations that everything maintain that super-charged high. That's impossible - and we'd all short circuit trying to maintain that feeling. The feeling I want you to have is the feeling of excitement and possibility. Feeling like you can't wait to get to work, even if rush-hour traffic is a bore; the feeling that you can't wait to share something with your husband/wife/spouse or try something new with them, that's what I want you to find. This is not an external exercise. There are no pills, or classes to take. This feeling can only be achieved by you and your motivation. You have to see that wall of complacency coming at you and instead of crashing into it, challenge yourself to sail right over it.

Here are some other tools that you can use to help you over the wall. Dare to dream and to try something new. If you're stuck at work, write down your dream of what would make your job better (warning: be careful not to be a victim by giving someone else all of the power!). What can you bring to your job to make it more challenging or interesting? Who can you talk to about ramping up your job description?

Have you worn the same hairstyle, dressed in the same way, taken the same route to and from work every day for as long as you can remember? Find a great hair salon and treat yourself to a new style; make an appointment with a personal shopper and find a new look for yourself; leave home half an hour early and take the back way to work or the train station. Shake up your life. Learn to cook something new. Instead of sitting home and watching reruns with your spouse, get theater tickets, take a picnic dinner to the park or ask them what their dreams are. Learn something new about each other and yourselves.

The bottom line is that we are indeed the captains of our own lives. We will have very short careers if we sink our boats by hitting the rocks. It is all about shaking off our cloaks of complacency and challenging ourselves by daring to live all aspects of our lives as only we can dream them. You will find that if you meet this challenge, allow yourself to be a bit uncomfortable and maybe a little bit frightened, that the wall you thought you were going to crash into has crumbled and your life, your work, your family are filled with excitement, energy and an unending promise of possibility.

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Wendy Kaufman is the president of Balancing Life's Issues, Inc. (www.balancinglifesissues.com)- a national executive training company based in New York. This article is published with Ms. Kaufman's permission and that of World Wit, where it first appeared August 2005.

WorldWIT, hailed 2004 Woman’s Business Association of the Year, is a global resource for women in business, offering on and offline services and discussion communities for professional women to network, mentor, and learn on a local and global level. Visit us at www.worldwit.org/ to join a free discussion group in your area!